“So rend your heart and not your garments.  Return to the LORD your God, For he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and He relents from doing harm.”
Joel 2:13

“The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.”
Psalm 51:17

As i sit in my lovely home in Keller, i seek Him.  And find a piece of myself recoiling when i give too many moments of quiet.  Too much vulnerability. Or is there such a thing when you are speaking to the Creator of everything imaginable? I find myself realizing that i do not give Him everything and not even my whole heart sometimes.  i try to steal it back in secret.  In some mislead attempt to protect a part of myself.  what part?  What am i so afraid of that i think God wont understand or be able to console my deepest longing?

I can not go on like this.  Running from His Presence.

So as i read Joel 2:13, i ask myself: “What is my garment?” What is the one thing that i hold out in front of my heart to an all-knowing, all-seeing God? What veil have i knit so well in attempt to hide the open wounds that i pretend are just scars now?

It is simply my own selfish fear.

Rend the garment.  However well it is knit.

always singing,
natalie

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