i would like to start off today’s entry with entries from my previous non electronic journals.  this is from october 6, 2006 after watching children playing on a playgound:

“there was this one small boy who was standing on the edge of a 2 foot drop of the playground equipment.  He couldnt decide whether or not to jump or what.  he wanted down it was obvious.  so he stuck his foot out a couple times and kept bending his knees as if he were ready to jump.  and then after he figured out how to get down, another boy came to the same place, but he just leaped right off.  sometimes i feel like the first little boy and sometimes i feel like the second.  I want to hesitate and sometimes i want to jump.”

my heart leaps within me.  yet i must wait to jump.  this is where i am 3 years later in the midst of what seems to be a complete renewal of my expectations.  He is growing something in me that i did not expect nor did hope for.  He is dashing all my previous expectations and showing me something beautifully woven by His love and mercy.  What He has for me is so much better than i had planned for myself.  and as of just recently letting go of those expectations and plans.  He can finally work with me.  finally have THAT part of my life.  The part that i have been obsessed over for so very long.

its Yours Lord.  fully Yours.  finally.

now i rest and wait.

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