still reading.

Still reading Waking the Dead by John Eldredge.  I’m at the chapter where he talks about the human heart and how alot Christians have this weird “Christian” cultural view that our hearts are wicked beyond all get out.  and that we just have to keep trying to “get over” our sin, manage our weakness and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps essentially.  Now, as i read this i am thinking “Oh, i dont really believe that” but in my heart i am saying “I do that every day”.  Cuz as much as we (and i) would like to just ignore that shame we feel when we dont read our Bible everyday or pray as much as we should, we can’t.  There is this unspoken lie (well spoken by Satan into our hearts) that we are still sinful and cant help it even if we are “saved”.  So no matter how hard we try we just got some uncurable heart disease that wont be completely fixed till Jesus comes back.

and this is complete bull shit (pardon my french).

Ezekiel says: (36:26)”I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

When we believe in hearts that Christ died so that we might live a life full of abundant life and that God raised Him from the dead, we are not just becoming “Christians”.  Remember when you were a little kid and you “asked Jesus into your heart” (if thats how it happened for you anyways)? Well thats not just some cute way your parents got you to buy into this whole Jesus loves you thing at a young age.  When accepting the sonship and life that Christ offers us in his Kingdom, we are turning our bodies into living temples (1 Cor. 3:16) and our heart is the Holy of Holies of that temple where God resides.

HOW AWESOME!

So how can we feel ashamed when the power of Christ lives in is (it literally lives in us, because God LITERALLY LIVES IN US)?

We just forget what we got.  We forget the promises of the life He died for. We have forgotten how to live TRULY out of a heart fully saved, fully healed, and fully alive and NEW.  a heart of flesh, beating with an eternal rhythm.

joyously His,

natalie

Daniel and mythical stories

so i’ve begun to read this book i started 4-5 months ago (isn’t that how it always goes?), called Waking the Dead by John Eldredge.  He’s the same guy that wrote Wild at Heart that was the staple Christian guy book to read.  He is an AMAZING writer and has written MUCH more than just Wild at Heart.

Anyways, in the 2nd chapter of this book he talks about myths and how a myth does not mean false or not factually true, it is a story meant to relay a deep message that “transcends time or space”, “Their appeal lies deeper, in the realm of the heart.”  Eldredge then goes on to relay this story of Daniel in the Bible (and no not the typical Daniel in the Lion’s den story).  As im reading Eldredge’s take on the story in Daniel 10, i thought at first that Eldredge was just saying a “what if this is how the story ended” kind of point.  but i realized that this ACTUALLY is in the Bible.  i was floored.  how come i didnt learn about this in Sunday school?  i find it way more interesting! Here is Daniel 10:

1 In the third year of Cyrus king of Persia a message was revealed to Daniel, whose name was called Belteshazzar. The message was true, but the appointed time was long;[a] and he understood the message, and had understanding of the vision. 2 In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. 3 I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.
4 Now on the twenty-fourth day of the first month, as I was by the side of the great river, that is,the Tigris,[b] 5 I lifted my eyes and looked, and behold, a certain man clothed in linen, whose waistwas girded with gold of Uphaz! 6 His body was like beryl, his face like the appearance of lightning, his eyes like torches of fire, his arms and feet like burnished bronze in color, and the sound of his words like the voice of a multitude.
7 And I, Daniel, alone saw the vision, for the men who were with me did not see the vision; but a great terror fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves. 8 Therefore I was left alone when I saw this great vision, and no strength remained in me; for my vigor was turned to frailty in me, and I retained no strength. 9 Yet I heard the sound of his words; and while I heard the sound of his words I was in a deep sleep on my face, with my face to the ground.

10 Suddenly, a hand touched me, which made me tremble on my knees and on the palms of my hands. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for I have now been sent to you.” While he was speaking this word to me, I stood trembling.
12 Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words. 13 But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days; and behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left alone there with the kings of Persia. 14 Now I have come to make you understand what will happen to your people in the latter days, for the vision refers to many days yet to come.

So basically Daniel is troubled by said “message” and “vision”,  i am going to quote what Eldredge says about this passage (his take on it is so right on):

“Something has happened that Daniel doesn’t understand.  I think we can all relate to that.  We don’t understand 90 percent of what happens to us, either.  Daniel is troubled.  He sets out to get an answer.  But three weeks of prayer and fasting produce no results.  What is he to conclude?  If Daniel were like most people, by this point he’d probably be headed toward one of two conclusions: I’m blowing it, or God is holding out on me. He might try confessing every sin and petty offense in hopes of opening up the lines of communication with God.  Or he might withdraw into a sort of disappointed resignation, drop the fast, and turn on the television.  In an effort to hang on to his faith, he might embrace the difficulty as part of “God’s will for his life.” He might read a book on “the silence of God.”  That’s the way the people I know handle this sort of thing.

And he would be dead wrong.

On the twenty-first day of the fast an angel shows up, out of breath.  In sort of apology, the angle explains to Daniel that God had actually dispatched him in answer to Daniel’s prayers the very first day he prayed- three weeks ago.  (There goes the whole unanswered prayer thesis, right out the window.)  Three days ago? What is Daniel supposed to do with that?  ”The very first day?” But…I’ve…I mean, thank you so very much, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but…where have you been?” You haven’t blown it Daniel, and God isn’t holding out on you.  The angel goes on to explain that he was locked in hand-to-hand combat with a mighty fallen angel, a demonic power of dreadful strength, who kept him out of the Persian kingdom for three weeks, and he finally had to get Michael (the great archangel, the captain of the Lord’s hosts) to come help him break through enemy lines.  ”Now I am here, in answer to your prayer.  Sorry it’s taken so long.”

There it is – Eternal Truth Number Two: this world is at war.”

sorry this blog is so long but i really think that reading that passage and that excerpt from John Eldredge’s book is REVOLUTIONARY to how we as Believers should be viewing our worldly circumstances.  how can we so quickly jump to conclusions on what we think or feel God is doing to us, for us, or not for us.  It is a battle.  And our part in it, our perspective of it, and how we respond to it is vital in our existence here on earth.  Lack of motivation or worldly distractions can no longer be an excuse for what we are called to.  a courageous stand to live in His Presence and to carry Him with us in EVERY part of our lives.  easy to say (well sometimes its not even easy to say), but so very hard to strike out and do.

lets prepare for battle and fight.

chayil,
natalie

haunted by His Presence

quiet time: the words that causes guilt to rise in your spirit due to a lack of time spent in His Presence.

at least thats what ive come to understand it as.  but yet as i sit here finally having a really genuine quiet time this morning, the guilt that has built up over the last few months of busy-ness suddenly dissipates.  it doesnt dissipate at church….but by me consciously drawing close despite the distractions around me.

June 2nd – My Utmost, For His Highest

“What are you haunted by?  You will say – By nothing, but we are all haunted by something generally by ourselves, or, if we are Christians, by our experience.  The Psalmist says we are to be haunted by God.  The abiding consciousness of the life is to be God, not thinking about Him.  The whole of our life inside and out is to be absolutely haunted by the presence of God.”

So how do we do this? how do we live in a consciousness that is very much God consumed and full?  i believe it comes from being in His Word, His Spirit, and His Love.  we can not escape our mission in this life if we abide in Him.

rend the garment

“So rend your heart and not your garments.  Return to the LORD your God, For he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and He relents from doing harm.”
Joel 2:13

“The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.”
Psalm 51:17

As i sit in my lovely home in Keller, i seek Him.  And find a piece of myself recoiling when i give too many moments of quiet.  Too much vulnerability. Or is there such a thing when you are speaking to the Creator of everything imaginable? I find myself realizing that i do not give Him everything and not even my whole heart sometimes.  i try to steal it back in secret.  In some mislead attempt to protect a part of myself.  what part?  What am i so afraid of that i think God wont understand or be able to console my deepest longing?

I can not go on like this.  Running from His Presence.

So as i read Joel 2:13, i ask myself: “What is my garment?” What is the one thing that i hold out in front of my heart to an all-knowing, all-seeing God? What veil have i knit so well in attempt to hide the open wounds that i pretend are just scars now?

It is simply my own selfish fear.

Rend the garment.  However well it is knit.

always singing,
natalie

with the heel of my foot.

i will crush that serpents head.

“We can take back what the enemy has stolen and receive it back sevenfold, or we can be passive and become seven times worse.”
-Kimberly Daniels (Give it Back!)

“The only way we can have a disciplined spirit is to be a disciple who is subject to the things of the Spirit.  You are part of a royal priesthood! To sell out to God in intercession and warfare, you must be willing to live a life of priesthood.  The priesthood of which I am speaking of is not one of front rows, nice cars, popularity, and fame. This priesthood is one of persecution, rejection, and separation.  These cannot be overcome without spiritual discipline.  As soldiers in the army of the Lord,  we must learn how to build in the Spirit.”
-Kimberly Daniels (Give it Back!)

a truth that i know too well but yet seem to allow myself to stray from. worrysome thoughts.  fear of future.  how can i let these things interfere with what is the safety of resting in His Presence?  I do not know.  no matter how mature i think i’ve become or how much i’ve grown, I am yet still reminded of my flesh and its desires.  To surrender that every day…now that is the challenge.  the continual exchange of fear for freedom.  continual. not just once a day but in every attempt of the Enemy to keep me living in that fear.  i must stand against and prevail with His name.  With His Truth and Power.

Spirit, please whisper 10 times more truth into my heart with every lie of the Enemy.  Today i wish to prevail by the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of my Testimony.

 

Your goodness is enough.

when my heart leaps.

i would like to start off today’s entry with entries from my previous non electronic journals.  this is from october 6, 2006 after watching children playing on a playgound:

“there was this one small boy who was standing on the edge of a 2 foot drop of the playground equipment.  He couldnt decide whether or not to jump or what.  he wanted down it was obvious.  so he stuck his foot out a couple times and kept bending his knees as if he were ready to jump.  and then after he figured out how to get down, another boy came to the same place, but he just leaped right off.  sometimes i feel like the first little boy and sometimes i feel like the second.  I want to hesitate and sometimes i want to jump.”

my heart leaps within me.  yet i must wait to jump.  this is where i am 3 years later in the midst of what seems to be a complete renewal of my expectations.  He is growing something in me that i did not expect nor did hope for.  He is dashing all my previous expectations and showing me something beautifully woven by His love and mercy.  What He has for me is so much better than i had planned for myself.  and as of just recently letting go of those expectations and plans.  He can finally work with me.  finally have THAT part of my life.  The part that i have been obsessed over for so very long.

its Yours Lord.  fully Yours.  finally.

now i rest and wait.

hugs and kisses

something about this week that causes something deep within me to stir.  something that confuses me.  an emotion that i wish to deny access to my heart.  But can i stop such a thing? i fear i may not be able to.  Now granted, it is not a bad emotion.  just a surprising one.  how things have changed in a year.  do i kill all my expectations of what i thought i desired? or i do let them lay and let the Lord sort them thru in me.  i believe it may be a balance of both.

Lord help me.

hello dear wind.

it has come upon us. the cold brisk wind of winter.  the first real blast of frigid, the rejuvenating breath of God.

that might be an overstatement.  but it does truly express my love for this season.  the cold is the first hint, the first clue that Christmas is upon us.  that love is in the air so thick you can almost taste it.  (and im not talking about mushy gushy love).  HIS LOVE IS IN THE AIR.

i’ve decided that with this cold, bon iver will fit the mold for my musical appetite.  something about that slow, melodic build of his creative quietude.  along with this bon iver (currently on the pandora station), i have happened upon the word “qara’ ” which is Hebrew for “call” .  used in Jeremiah 33:3 – “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.”  the word “call” here is: to loudly call in attempt to get someone’s attention.  (the Lord more specifically).  how many times do i feel like that?  knowing He can see me but maybe He wants me to call out LOUDLY to Him.  EXPRESS to Him what my heart deeply wishes to relay.  my thoughts but thru a microphone.

“HEY LORD!!! HERE I AM WAITING FOR YOU TO DESCEND UPON THIS HUMBLE ABODE.”

snap. crackle. pop.

He descends like a river of peace that i can not contain but it is somehow contained within my mortal frame.  He is still holding back because He knows i might die if i were to fully experience what He is truly  capable of….

Yet he still leaves me wanting more.  how is that possible? i want so much more of Him, but yet i am content? how can this be possible? Like a Bride waiting for her Bridegroom.  i will wait till the end of the world for Him.

i am waiting.

for it is a new day.

tuesday.  a day of humidity.

i will not be discouraged that God has not yet answered my prayers for cold(er) weather.  But i will keep begging Him for a chance to wear my favorite long-sleeve sweater.  besides that point.  something very odd happened to me on the bus today (to school).  a girl answered a call and started crying.  i think someone really close to her died.  She cried the whole time on the bus while still being on the phone.  i can not even imagine getting a call like that.  and having an entire busload of people hear that conversation.  i wanted to prayer for her when we all got off the bus but she was still on the phone and crying.  i figured it was not a good time.  but i will keep her in my prayers.  i dont know her name, or what happened, but God does.  so i will intercede for her and let Him bring love and comfort to her.

it is tuesday (i need the reminder)  one of my longest school days.  class, break, trail running, break, class.  i guess thats not really long to most of you reading this….but for someone with senioritis (me) it is a long day. psychology of religion is first on the list.  a class where spiritual warfare is at its peak in my day.  where lies are prevelent and truth is twisted.  psychology of religion. but today…the Lord will prevail.  He will prevail in the rescue of the hearts of His children.  the Lord is faithful. He is all encompassing.  even of a little class of less than 100.  He will prevail.

quote of the day: “We are vehicles through which the life and power of God can flow into this dark world.  Jesus is the life, and as we come to Him and drink, that life flows into us.  Then, as we praise and worship God, that life flows out of us toward God.  As we obey God and move by faith, that life flows through us into the deserts of the world.”
“Ministering to the Lord” by Roxanne Brant

He will prevail. as long as i sit at His feet and drink from the cup in His hands.

xoxo, natalie.

first things first

this seems to the popular new blogging site…so why not fit the trend?  Summer has been quite the rollercoast.  Summer school followed by too much time to myself.  too much to myself=too much thinking=natalie in agitation.

reading books.  finally. current books (yes books because i can never stick to just one) are “Kissed the Girls and Made them Cry” by Lisa Bevere and Leota’s Garden by Francine Rivers.  oh ya and the Bible.  

verse of the day:

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.  See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you.”
Isaiah 60:1-2

the past is not your future.  

your future is bright and free.

Truths that have hit my heart today and will be carried there for the rest of the day.  

decided to begin memorizing ephesians 5.  Walk in Love, Walk in Light, and Walk in Wisdom.

three things i find myself longing for day by day; love, light and wisdom.  

 

THEREFORE BE IMITATORS OF GOD AS DEAR CHILDREN.

AND WALK IN LOVE, AS CHRIST ALSO HAS LOVED US AND GIVEN HIMSELF FOR US, AN OFFERING AND A SACRIFICE TO GOD FOR A SWEET-SMELLING AROMA.

ephesians 5:1-2

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